Lots of love and a personal challenge for 2011

MrB and I don't celebrate St Valentine's Day in any formal, traditional way. (Several years ago I told MrB that if he were to send me flowers at my office that year he'd then be off the hook for the rest of our Valentine's Days together. He sent gorgeous balloons instead, one even being a giant frog, and he was very definitely off the hook.) Instead we celebrate the anniversary of a special day in our shared history on the 13th of February each year and treat the 14th as any other day of the year, specifically trying to avoid the commercialism that surrounds it 'nowadays.

Today, though, I thought I'd share a recipe I created last month and hey! I made it heart-shaped!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Almond Cookie-Press Cookies

1 cup dairy-free margarine at room temperature (plus some for buttering baking trays)

1/2 cup vegan cream cheese

1 cup granulated/castor sugar

3 cups plain flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 teaspoons almond extract

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

Fully combine margarine and cream cheese in a medium bowl. Add sugar and cream together.

Add salt, baking powder, vanilla and almond and blend well.

"Butter" (read: coat with a thin layer of dairy-free margarine) several baking trays (this recipe makes a LOT of cookies and I forgot to count how many but I'd comfortably guess it's more than 40!) before you start pressing your cookies. I was making cookie-press cookies based on recipes/videos I'd found online and when they recommended buttering your trays before you start; I though I'd be fine to just use baking paper. Boy, was that a silly move! The cookies won't stick to the baking paper which means they won't pull away from the cookie-press which means you're pressing cookies for no good reason. Please, people, learn from my mistakes! *grin*

Using a flexible spatula, fill cookie-press with dough and choose your shape disc. I chose the disc for making heart shapes (largely because I couldn't figure out which discs made which shapes) and away I went. My cookie-press has two cookie-thickness settings so I chose to use the thinner cookie setting and I pressed once for each cookie as I wanted them to be little morsels rather than "cookies", if that makes sense.

I then baked the cookies at 200C/350F for about 8 minutes. Too much longer and they started to colour. I wanted them to just be set with a hint of goldenness.

Allow to cool on baking tray for at least 10 minutes, remove to rack to cool completely.

I can't wait to use my cookie-press again! This time I might have to use each shape disc just to see what each produces!

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I'm on a self-induced (though inspired by futuregirl's*) craft diet this year.... A Challenge, if you will, to use what I have rather than buying more and more and making less and less.

What follows are photographic evidence of why I need to make this commitment to myself, to my bank balance, to the world (- why am I such a consumer?!) but please don't judge me too harshly... I do need to organise the whole set-up (that's on my list and it starts with filing about 45 years worth of paperwork) - and get a desk chair - but I know I've got at least a year's worth of crafting in there!

Want to know the worst part?.... That's not even any of my yarn in there! There's more *gasp* in other rooms in the house (living room, closet in the bedroom, etc)!

So, I've got a list longer than I am tall of things I want to make this year with the supplies I have so I now just need to get the motivation to actually do something other than brainstorming and dreaming and coveting!

Did you know that this is the first year in three years that I haven't been to my favourite two yarn stores in London to splurge on the Rowan Yarns sales? One of these retailers reported a drop in January sales as compared to the previous two years. *sigh* I know it's not all down to me but it brings home just how much I'd been spending on craft items and not getting many, if any, craft Finished Objects out of those items.

Have you set yourself a personal challenge for 2011?

*If you get the chance, peruse futuregirl's blog a bit... She's a Crochet Badass and totally inspirational for all "makers" out there.

Laundry "spiders", cookies and other life detours...

When I started this blog it was with the intention of showing you, dear readers, what it is that I love to do and how that love affects my daily choices, especially regarding my eating habits.

What I love to do is bake. I love to bake vegan sweet goodies that people are surprised about and utterly melt over.

This blog isn't very old and yet I already have a plethora of tags that aren't at all related to baking. This, for me, is a bit annoying but completely not surprising. I've always had many "layers" in my life and having begun to share more of them here seems, now, like a natural progression.

I'm sorry if you came here wanting only vegan goodies (sweet or savoury) and aren't that entertained by the rest of me. I wish you well on your own personal journey but this is a journey that I must make and, therefore, am taking the wheel and consciously deciding that it shall be reflected in this blog. All the layers. All the Me-s I have to offer.

If you don't mind and/or enjoy seeing more of my layers; welcome! We're in for a strange and wondrous trip, indeed!

Since it's been so long since I last posted I have a few things I'd like to share today so stay tuned or tune out. Either way I've numbered them so you can skip topics (or refer back to them) as you like....

1. Laundry "Spiders"

I have long hair. Very long hair by some standards, though it's not yet as long as I'd like it (and yet, simultaneously, I wish I could sport a chic, shorter style that better befits my physical age but alas, the build of my body makes longer hair aesthetically necessary *sigh*).

Because I have long hair I end up with it everywhere. On the floors, in the shower drain, on MrB's back as he's leaving for work, worked into a knitting or crochet project. That part's a nuisance, certainly, but OK as they're in small numbers and easily contained and removed.

What utterly annoys me, however, is the little balls of hair that I find in the laundry. Every. Single. Time.

I call them Laundry Spiders and toss away several of them every time I do a wash. (The record for one load is 7. SEVEN! from one load of mostly socks.)

Am I the only one who gets these?? Surely I can't be!

What do you call them?

Do you have any hints, tips, tricks for getting rid of them? I'd LOVE to know!

2. Baking

And now for something you may or may not have been waiting for. My original Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe.

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Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

1cup dairy-free margarine, at room temp
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon molasses
2 teaspoons vanilla extract (when I mix it up a little I use 1 teaspoon vanilla and one teaspoon almond)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose/plain flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips (or vegan carob chips)
3/4cup vanilla soy yogurt

Preheat oven to 350 F

Cream the margarine and sugar with a hand mixer until fluffy

Add the molasses and vanilla and incorporate. Add the dry ingredients to this mixture and mix until a dough forms. Fold the chocolate chips into the dough.

Drop by tablespoons onto ungreased cookie sheets or an ungreased, unlined cupcake tin. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes (my oven is -definitely- 8 minutes) until lightly browned. (Two notes: Due to their vegan status and chemistry, the cookies will not spread as much as normal cookies but that's good! Also, Don't worry about under cooking them as there's no raw eggs to worry about, though, the 8-10 minute rule, for me, leaves a cookie that's gently soft-crunchy on the outside and wonderfully soft and gooey on the inside!)

Allow to cool on baking sheets for 5 minutes then transfer to cooling rack. (At this point baking sheets can be rinsed under cold water to prepare them for the next batch.)

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I know there are a ton of other good, vegan chocolate chip cookie recipes out there and respect that they are probably very good. I only decided to invent my own recipe when I realised that most of the better recipes which yield a softer cookie contain flaxseeds/linseed and I know a lot of people have seed allergies so wanted to avoid them if I could.

If/when you make these, please do let me know what you thought of the recipe. I live for feedback and won't necessarily know I need to change something unless you tell me. Yes, you.

3. Life

Just recently (last Thursday, to be exact) I went to see a psychiatrist who has diagnosed me with Adult (Inattentive) Attention Deficit Disorder and my life has been quite strange since that moment.

I went to him thinking I had it or something akin to it (Would it really be me if I had gone to a doctor without investigating the jeepers out of something first?! I thought not.) but when he confirmed that I do, indeed, have it I can't accurately describe what I was thinking or feeling.

There was some relief, some disbelief, some shame, some anger, some fear, some impatience... gosh, the list is virtually endless.

At the suggestion of a dear friend I purchased some books by Edward M. Hallowell (Driven to Distraction and Driven from Distraction - both can be purchased from Amazon.com/.co.uk) and from what I've read so far I truly believe my life will change for the better with this diagnosis. I'm almost through the first book and it's almost as though this book was written specifically for me. Mr. Hallowell certainly seems to understand the condition (as he well should, he suffers, too).

I'm sure there will be a lot more written on this blog about ADD in the future so I'm going to stop here now that I've introduced it.

4. AOB

Stay tuned because in the next few days I'll be introducing a Tomato "Soup" recipe!

There's always room for...

I have a lot to talk about in this post, so please, bear with me.

It's quite difficult to express what it is I want to say sometimes so if I tend to drone on for a while I promise I will, eventually, come to the point and there -is- a point.

So, you all know about what I'm currently doing (not specifically - specifically I'm typing :P but in a much more -broad- sense). I'm currently starting afresh. Starting anew. It's something I've become quite good at over the past couple of decades. Adapting. Changing. Rolling with the punches.

Now, don't et me wrong, I've not always been "punched". This is a skill I've developed regardless of whether times are "good" or "bad". I like to mix it up, keep it flowing.

I suppose you could say: I refuse to grow up. I -still- don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I truly don't. A butcher, a baker a candlestick maker... all sound good to me... OK, perhaps not "butcher" if I'm being completely honest but I'm open to just about anything and I haven't yet found my niche. The one role that makes me Me.

On this journey of exploration, this journey of chances, I've come to discover some things about myself. Some of them wondrous, some baffling and some of them not so nice but I'm grateful for each and every lesson. No matter how painful or difficult to learn.

Of the things I've discovered I've managed to discern a few more... concrete things about myself. One of those things is that I don't like being an employee. I have very high standards that I set for myself and those around me in a work environment and I don't suffer well any failure to meet those expectations. If you've ever been an employer of mine you will well remember me complaining (often and I'm sorry) about the ineptitude of others. About the injustice I felt was happening when I put so much of myself, my energy, my skills into something and the person beside me/down the hall/in the next department wasn't capable of tying their shoes without direct supervision. One of my favourite-ever bosses (at a financial PR firm) was able to show (teach) me that the way I was perceiving everything wasn't necessarily the way it was. Nor was it healthy. With her and because of her (thank you, Ms C) I'm working on becoming more accepting of the work habits of others. I do regress quite often, however, and I stress myself out unnecessarily but I am learning.

Keeping this and other character "quirks" in mind I've been working on some projects here at home in the hopes that I can, at some point, be self-sufficient and won't have to again trouble a boss with my near-constant complaining.

These endeavours have taken a slight backseat as I rebuild our post-holiday lives. (Man! Living out of suitcases for a month takes it's toll!) There are also some things I am doing around the house that I had neglected while I was at my most recent job. Organisation things, mostly, some cleaning here and there. Nothing major, physically, but there are a few things that I'm working on that involve some major secretarial work.

One of these is the problem we're having with the DVLA (the UK's agency that registers cars, makes sure the tax has been paid on them, etc.) and a person whose name appears to be "Jhon" that used our address to register his car and then proceeded to park illegally, drive through the Congestion Zone and not paying, speeding and a myriad of other "fun" things. Because our address has been used -we- are responsible for the fines, penalties, etc. (In the UK your life isn't tied to a number like the Social Security Number in the US. We have National Insurance Numbers but they are issued when a resident turns 16 and are usually only used for tax and employment purposes. Credit and other liabilities are linked to a physical address.) This all means that I had to compile eleven separate envelopes containing a total of, are you ready for this? 33 charges/infractions. I called the police when we first got wind of what happened and everything's been reported to the DVLA who say they've taken our address off of the system so it's no longer linked to that car but for some reason the letters keep coming. We even received two letters from Metropolitan Police dated after I had reported everything to them. We have to send proof to each of these agencies that it's not us who's responsible, that Jhon does not and has not lived at our address in the 3+ years that we've owned our flat and that they can whistle for the money for their fines.

Yeah. Tons of fun. Tomorrow I head to the post office to send said letters and get tracking numbers for them. We've decided that any more letters that land after we've sent all of these off will be responded to with phone calls and I honestly wish I knew where Jhon actually lives so I could sue him for the cost of printing all of the durned things and posting them!

Another of my little secretarial tasks is hunting for a landscaper/ing company to fix our back garden (yard). We've lived here for over three years and have never used outside our back doors because of the maintenance it's required of us. I would very much like to use this area of our "house" so am finally putting some of MrB's bonus this year towards making it a usable space once more.

I'm also sorting out all of our files (bank records, receipts, mortgage statements, etc) and getting all of that in order. And doing a general organisation of our flat (man, I have a lot of stuff!) to sort of streamline how we live. To make a little space in our lives. To stop leaving things sitting around because there's no space for them to be put away.

My major stumbling block is MrB. He's a pilot, you see (of ships like this). We joke that he's "a pilot. He takes stuff from one place and piles it in another" (Pile it) - Unfortunately, over the years I've absorbed some of this tendency. Here's proof. Our dining room table this morning:

and now, our dining table tonight...

And I promise I didn't Pilot! It's all put away nicely or ready to be taken upstairs and put away (the box and bag of papers on the chair).

I'm not sure as to the exact cause of me becoming a Pilot. I think it's a mix of laziness on my part and a bit of feeling like I'm fighting a losing battle. Either way, it's something I've recognised about myself and I'm going to quash it. (Can't say what will happen to MrB but if he wants to "hire" me to be his full-time housekeeper, I'd gladly consider it! ;) )

While MrB and I were away I picked up some great "bits" to use in my jewelry endeavours and some recipes/ideas/jumping off points for my baking but these have taken a backseat at the moment while I sort through the tornado that is my organisational process and what we brought home from our travels (where am I going to put more stuff?!). There's a suitcase in my kitchen, for goose's sake! Once I get my kitchen and crafting areas back it will be time to continue with my business related plans.

I did pick up some treats for myself that are Vegan and I'm so excited. I can't these (or anything like them) here in the UK...

After this I've also got some knitting and crochet commissions that I have to complete. A lovely blanket in some beautiful, organic cotton that looks a lot like pewter. A scarf/wrap and beret in a soft, blushing baby pink and finally a snuggly, smokey grey neckwarmer.

Another thing I've learned about myself along the way is that I'm a starter. I love to jump head-first into a problem or a project and get my hands/feet/face dirty. This, when it comes to work, is a good thing. I'm not afraid to take the lead. I'm not afraid to get it wrong. I'm not even afraid of complete failure. The ride, the joy comes from the doing, the experience of making, creating, solving, experimenting. Whatever it is that I want to accomplish in that instance I love the doing of it.

When it comes to crochet or knitting, however, this can be a bad thing. A very bad thing. I've started and not finished more projects than I can count. For example: I asked myself "Can I knit socks?" I found this amazing tutorial, bought some gorgeous needles for the task and began experimenting with some inexpensive acrylic yarn. I successfully cast on, knitted the rib of the cuff, I even successfully turned my first heel (I'm SO proud of that fact) and started knitting down the foot. Then I had that project-fatal thought "See? I can do that!" (in this instance "See? I can knit socks!")...

...aaand I stopped knitting that sock. This happens way too often in my yarn-crafting life. So, a new challenge to myself is "can I finish the yarn projects I've started!?" I'll keep you posted on how that goes. (I've already started two more projects but, but in my defence they're for my adorable niece and nephew and they're small. I swear!)

Another part of myself that I've been working on is my diet/eating habits. While we were away I ate a Vegan diet whenever MrB and I ate just the two of us but I didn't want it to be a "thing" with family so when eating around them it was usually what was on offer and/or I'd pick the non-Vegan bits out. Not Vegan, I know, but for me: this is a process. A gradual thing. A fundamental change that I don't want to jump in and out of on a whim.

When MrB and I arrived back in London the full switch was made to a plant-based diet. I can't say that it was Vegan as there were a couple of times I had "trail mix bars" that contain honey but I can honestly say that I switched to a Vegetarian diet that also excluded milk and eggs.

I wasn't quite prepared for this, it seems. I know all of the nutrition aspects and the fundamentals for any diet/eating regime but when I switched I didn't cope well. I was going to bed hungry (I have a hiatus hernia so I can't eat after a certain time before bed) because the nuts I was consuming as my sources of protein (I'm severely allergic and/or intolerant to most standard forms of Vegan-friendly proteins. *sigh*) don't seem to satiate my stomach for as long as meat was always able to. I was hungry for longer between meals but I was scared to just start snacking or eating Little-and-Often because I didn't want to suddenly balloon in weight when the whole goal of this endeavour is to become healthier and I know the pitfalls of constant snacking and it accidentally becoming A-Lot-and -Often or -All-The-Time.

The sudden increase of fibre and lack of "stodge" threw my IBS for a loop as well but I shall spare you the details. Let's just say there was a lot of pain for a few days.

On Thursday I had a business lunch and was feeling particularly wretched. I sat there hoping that once I started eating lunch I would feel better, blaming it on low blood sugar. Then I stopped to think (half way through the meal when I wasn't miraculously feeling better) that I had vanilla soy yoghurt and bran cereal for breakfast only 4 hours before. I wasn't starving. There was enough protein in that meal that I shouldn't have been suffering from low blood sugar... and I wasn't. But, man, was I a wreck.

I feel almost whole today, thankfully, so all is well on my little planet, but I am making no commitments and reviewing my diet carefully.

I've also got to review my thyroid levels again with my endocrinologist. I've been getting some of my old symptoms back and, remembering what I lived through before I started thyroid-replacement therapy, I am determined to get this nipped in the bud. I cannot, will not go through that again. I say this because it's something I'm keeping in mind as I'm dealing with the nutritional aspect of my days, to ensure that I'm aware of any connections/contraindications, etc. between the two.

I think that about sums up what has been going on on my planet for the last few days but I'll be "in touch" again soon as I'm planning (another) Celebration of Love, Life and Happiness party this year (November) so I'll excitedly be telling you all about the process here.

See you soon!

Cookies with a sordid past

Several years ago Mr B made me some cookies that are fairly popular in Sweden called "Chokladsnitt" ("chocolate cuts") and were very yummy.

Mr B made these quite often and I normally brought them into work because it's difficult to justify two people eating an entire batch of cookies in one sitting.

When I first moved to London I was working with Her Majesty's Courts Service as Court Secretary in the now defunct* Marylebone Magistrate's Court (where Bob Marley was fined for possession of cannabis in 1977).

One of my responsibilities was with and to the Justices of the Peace. Three Justices of the Peace can sit together and hear certain types of cases here in England.

Every one of the JPs I worked with was monied to some level or another. There were even a couple of Ladies (titled, noble women, no exaggeration). One of these woman was so posh that when I spoke to her she'd look straight through me and not respond. At all. I didn't exist in her world, it seems.

She was not my favourite.

My favourite JP was a gentleman who, while not titled, had more money than god. He, unsurprisingly as we got along so well, was refreshingly down to earth.

The first time this wonderful man had Chokladsnitt he seriously proclaimed that "they simply -must- contain marijuana!" (imagine this said with a Queen's English accent) because nothing -legal- could taste that good.

Needless to say, they were a big hit and often requested.

Shortly thereafter, however, I was diagnosed with an egg-sensitivity. Total bummer as the Chokladsnitt normally contain at least one egg in most recipes (normally two if you add the pearl sugar).

It was quickly decided that we -must- discover a substitution for eggs. (I was intolerant to milk, too, but dairy-free margarine is reasonably easy to find, thank goodness.)

Eggs in recipes can be replaced by lots of things and it very much depends on the purpose of the eggs in the recipe.

For the Chokladsnitt the egg acts as a binding-agent. A few Google searches recommended using jam in place of eggs and when Mr B and I decided that we preferred cherries with chocolate...

A new star was born!

These modified Chokladsnitt have (on many occasions and in different places around the world) been baked in conjunction with the "standard" ones and by -unanimous- vote have come out as a resounding winner.

Mrs B bakes now presents Körsbär Chokladsnitt (I apologise, but because of the intricacies of the Swedish language I couldn't even -begin- to explain now to pronounce that!)

Let's call them Cherry-Chocolate Cuts or "Marijuana" Cookies (as they're known in our house).

The recipe is fast and fun. Great for a last minute treat and especially good when baking with children.

Cherry-Chocolate Cuts

500 ml (2 cups) plain flour

200 ml (just under one cup) sugar

3 tablespoons cocoa

1 teaspoon vanillin sugar (quick cheat: mix 1 drop of vanilla extract with a teaspoon of powdered sugar)

1 teaspoon baking powder

200g (7 oz or 1/2 stick) dairy-free margarine

3 tablespoons cherry jam (we prefer Morello)

Pre-heat oven to 190° C (375° F)

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl, forming a dough.

Don't do what I did here... As you can see my mixture is still very dry, very grainy. Don't mess up and use only -half- the required amount of margarine. It -will- make a difference!

This is -much- better!

Divide the dough evenly. Mr B makes six even parts while I have a difficult time dividing into thirds so just keep "halving" the dough until I get 8 even parts.

Now roll the dough into snakes. I love it when I can play with my food!

Use your fingers to press the snakes and flatten them a bit. **

Bake in the middle of the oven for about 10 minutes.

Cool completely and cut at a "jaunty" angle. (This is how they're traditionally cut in Sweden and I think it adds to their personality.)

Serve and enjoy! (Store in an airtight container/bag. These should last a good few days, given the chance!)

*Marylebone Magistrate's Court has been mostly demolished and rebuilt into a Super Court. I worked in it in 2005 when it still had strange staircases, a diving board, tiles from the old bath-house and a "haunted" cell area.

**Please don't mind the gloves, they're there for two reasons that are, really, one in the same. I have very very sensitive skin. Because of this and eczema and psoriasis -I- feel my hands have aged prematurely. This is a source of major embarrassment for me and you'll never find a picture of me that -I- have posted/shared that shows my hands because of it. Also, I am allergic to most foods when raw. I can handle some "simple" salad-type veggies normally, but even then I have to be careful when getting them on my hands.

Besides, it's just so much more hygienic wearing gloves in the kitchen.

Where do we go from here?

With a new blog comes a plethora of issues, concerns, considerations.

Do I add personal photos? Photos of any children I might have?

How much personal detail do I give?

And then there are "easier" yet more complex questions: will there be a theme? Will this blog contain superficial information or deeper, more personal thoughts, comments, observations?

Knitting, crocheting, considering Vegetarianism/Veganism, baking.. they're all easy things, things to discuss, to observe, even.

It's a whole other kettle of fish to discuss issues at work, post pictures containing the faces of the people I love, talk about holidays, when my family will be absent from it's home and it's protection.

The reason I am asking you, myself, the universe is because I've been doing a LOT of things this week and most of it has focused on work. I've been flipping back and forth about whether it is suitable for the blog that -I- want. I'm still not sure so I decided to err on the side of posterity.... here goes!

- On Tuesday I handed in my "notice" to leave the company in four-week's time. -

This wasn't a decision I made lightly, as I hope you understand, it's because of numerous factors, facts and emotions.

I've worked this job since early August of 2009 and I've literally been working my rear-end off (lost two dress sizes!) for the company and for myself. I've had immense satisfaction in the work I've done.

It's a "simple retail job" but I've been able to have my hand in almost every aspect of it thus far (as I tend to do and thoroughly enjoy). I've worked on the tills, with security, cash office, compliance, stocking shelves, ordering stock, you name it (but, I haven't done everything). I've really enjoyed working there.

So, why am I packing it all in, you ask?

Appreciation or, more accurately; Remuneration.

As I mentioned; I've been working with this company since August 2009 and I started as an "Operations Assistant" which wasn't what I expected as a job at all.

I had ideas of something simple, mind-easy, unchallenging... It's almost the complete opposite of that. A fact I am glad of with the benefit of hindsight.

Starting in early December, however, my role changed... I was now to take on a lot of the responsibilities of my boss who was leaving. This would not immediately result in a pay raise but come February time it should lead to the official company training that would result in more pay.

Things being what they are (most of those "things" are company policies and the individual's expectation of same) I wasn't able to enter the official training. I hadn't been with the company long enough and needed some foundation training first, something they had just introduced as a requirement.

My boss(es) then used an opportunity to get me into the department that would provide me the foundation training I needed and I was assured that everyone involved would be of the understanding that I needed to complete this training in good time to allow me to partake in the next sessions of the pay-raise-inducing training.

For reasons as of yet still unknown to me; while -I- have started the training myself, the person who is supposed to help me train has offered me no support. I don't know if this is because there has been a lack of communication to them about the importance of the time-frame or if that person contains a lack of willingness to help me. To be honest I'm not all that pleased either way.

While I might not like the situation; I have made moves to change it and I also have to take responsibility for it.

I made it.

I went above and beyond. I proved to be trustworthy and reliable. I became someone that they could depend on and not -have- to pay any more money for all of those traits. I was willing to do it just for the sake of a mix of my own work ethic and a little dash of ass-kissing. Yes, I am one of "those". I prefer to call it "people-pleasing" but when seen in slightly less rosy-coloured circumstances it can be considered the aforementioned "-kissing" so I'll be blunt.

As with any relationship where one party takes advantage of another I have to assume the responsibility of allowing it to happen. I -chose- to work harder/more/longer without compensation, just the verbal promise thereof. It had been enough for me and who can really blame the company who takes advantage of that fact? Here I am willing to do the work of someone who gets paid (an unknown amount) more than I do and doesn't cost as much. Surely that's a win for the company!

Fair play. You've had your fun. I'm out.

I half-heartedly looked elsewhere recently but found that I'm literally too drained by my current role to do much searching and the things that I am searching for involve first interviewing with agencies and then taking tests for them before interviewing with potential employers... all of that takes time and I can't fit that all in in one day every other week, I'm afraid, so my attempts to free myself and enter something else to help pay the bills haven't been successful thus far... All it's done is frustrate me more. Highlight the need to get out. The need to do something different. The need to change my situation.

I will honestly miss the people I work with (but let's face it.... I have a lot of them as friends on the Big FB and I only live down the street so it's my local branch of that particular retailer so I -will- see most of them again) but it's time I thought about me.

I need to be in a situation that is able to recognise who and what I am. Are there any small countries somewhere that need a leader?

[I'm not, by nature, a prideful person but I have my moments and one of the first of these was when my first London Boss told me I should be off running my own small country somewhere rather than working for him (I was temping!) and then told me to get in a temp to cover -me- while I disappeared on holidays but they wanted me back (another job that morphed well beyond my original job description because I can't help helping). I have to admit that that was the best. job. ever. but it can never be replicated. Those people (now mostly moved on. That building (now torn down). Only the great Doctor and his magic Police Box would be able to get it back. It was simply a -fantastic- place to be and I'm glad I got to be a part of it.]

Accepting that I will never have that situation again I am now set to move forward and find something at least comparable to what once was. A place/situation where I can help call my own shots. Where I've got the power and support to do what -I- feel is necessary or best for the business (either a company or even the business of myself) because I'm trusted/respected/understood.

I don't know where that will lead but I have to see. I have to allow myself to be unemployed for a while while I find what's right for me... Is it baking and selling vegan-friendly goodies? Is it temping in secretarial/admin positions where I can take weeks off at a time if I want? Is it looking for work with that special company that I can support and respect and that respects and supports me back?

My last day at work is the 29th of June and after a week and a half in July I'm "fully-booked" until a bit into August so it will be then that the hunt really commences.

All that time without a paycheque!??!

Mr B and I are in a time in our lives where it's possible, it's doable (and even reasonably comfortably so) so we've decided that I should take the chance.

And what is this blog but A Journey of Chances...?

(perhaps I -am- supposed to blog about these things, too!)